My child is on autumn break. It’s only a week long, but it still makes me sigh. I feel like I’ve devoted a huge amount of time to raising my kids though I am not the type of person who finds joy in giving of myself to others. I had to give up so much. If I have to give up even more for them, I’m afraid I will lose myself again. I was a stranger to myself for a long time and I’m now finding a way back to who I am. I really need a solid block of time to pull myself together and hold on to it. I struggled to pretend I was home alone, but I failed. I couldn’t help being distracted. I decided to break my routine and have my own space. Today, I came to a cafe far enough away that I wouldn’t run into anyone I know. It’s working. I feel better. Writing this in the cafe and watching people walking and having lunch from the window brings back my sense of self.  I need trial and error to find and build a way as myself to exist within my family.